Finding Your Purpose After an Abusive Relationship

Jun 28
4 min read

Updated: Jul 18

Something Was Still Missing

When you are rebuilding your life after an abusive relationship, there is no shortage of advice. People will tell you to focus on yourself, to find your passion, to discover who you really are.

Woman in lace dress walks a lantern-lit flower path at sunset; text says Purpose arrives when the time is right

And then, somewhere in the middle of all that, someone will say: "find your purpose."

Hello Strong and Steady Souls,

I would like to talk about that today. Because the way purpose gets talked about can add pressure to a season of life that is already carrying enough. 💜

The Pressure to Have It All Figured Out

There is this idea that finding your purpose is what finally gets your life back on track. That once you find it, the pieces fall into place.

And maybe for some people that is true.

But for a woman who has just left, who is still rebuilding, who is still learning who she even is now, that advice can land like one more thing she is supposed to have sorted out. One more way she has not yet arrived.

I want to say this clearly: you do not need to find your purpose right now. You are exactly where you need to be for this season of your life. ✨

Your Creativity and Passion Are Enough Right Now

Creativity is a form of healing. I believe that with everything I have. Having something that is yours, something that brings a little colour back into your days, matters more than most people give it credit for. 🌼

So does your passion. The things that make you feel more like yourself. The things you find yourself coming back to, even when life is hard.

You do not need to call any of it a purpose.

What you love doing right now may one day point you toward your purpose. Or it may simply be something that makes you feel alive. Both are worth having. 💛

Purpose tends to arrive after the inner work, not instead of it. Be patient with yourself. Follow what you enjoy. The rest has a way of finding you.

Blonde woman in pink blouse by sunlit window with motivational text, Keep going, You will know when the time is right, and flowers.

What I Had, and What Was Still Missing

After I left, I threw myself into things I loved. Scrapbooking. Creating memories. I wrote about dreaming again after abuse and how important it is to give yourself permission to want things. And I did want things. I ran my own business as an online project manager. I was capable. I was creative. I was building something. 🌿

And those things helped me. The creativity was a form of healing. Having something that was mine, something I was good at, something that brought a little colour back into my days, that mattered.

But even in the middle of it, there was still something quietly missing. Not an emptiness exactly. More like a question that had not been asked yet. I kept going, kept creating, kept moving forward. And I did not rush the answer.

It took years of working on myself. Reading. Attending seminars. Sitting with my own healing. Slowly, without any fanfare, I began to realise that what I had learned from my healing was something I wanted to give to other women. Not because my pain became my purpose. But because my healing did. 🦋

That was when something finally settled.

Pastel butterfly-themed poster with text Something was always quietly missing, lavender flowers, and jacquieinnerfreedom.com

Finding Your Purpose After an Abusive Relationship: When You Feel Ready

If you are at a point where finding your purpose after an abusive relationship is starting to feel like a question worth sitting with, where something is quietly stirring and you find yourself wondering what you might be here for, these questions might help. I have followed Brendon Burchard's work on purpose for years, and one idea from his teachings stayed with me: purpose is not just about what you do, it is about why it matters to you and who it serves.

With that in mind, here are three questions to carry with you this week. Not as homework. Not as a test. Just as something to let settle. ✨

When do I feel most alive? Not most productive. Not most useful. Most alive.
What do I find myself wanting to give to other people, even when nobody has asked?
What do I want someone to feel after they have spent time with me?

You do not need to answer them all at once. You do not need to write anything down. Just let them sit.

There Is No Rush

I spent years before I understood what my purpose was. Years of healing, of growing, of trying things that felt close but not quite right. And I would not change that, because every step of it was part of the path. 🌸

You will know when the time is right. And until then, the things that make you feel like yourself, the creativity, the passion, the small daily moments of being more you, they are not a waiting room. They are the work.

If you are curious about where you are on your healing path right now, this quiz might give you something useful to sit with.

🌼 Discover Your Healing Path. Take the Quiz.

You Are Already on Your Way

Purpose does not arrive because you chased it down. It arrives because you kept showing up for yourself, kept healing, kept choosing to move forward even when you did not know where forward was leading. 💜

That is what you are doing. And that is enough.

If you would like to walk alongside women who understand this from the inside, come and join us in the Inner Freedom Facebook Community. You do not need to have it figured out to walk through the door. 💜

Gratefully Yours

Two small pale abstract shapes float on a black background, one tall at upper right and one round near center.

P.S. If you would like a quiet letter from me in your inbox every week, a little something to sit with as you keep going, you are warmly welcome. 💌 Join me here.